fun in the unknown

I woke up feeling a familiar body again. The same usual back pain after a night of sleeping in an uncomfortable bed. At least it seems I've recovered some of the health that went away these last four days.

I woke up with the idea to draw a picture illustrating the mind and the different levels of consciousness.

While I write, I notice my eyes still burn, as if the fever never left me.

After almost one year of confinement, social isolation, and lockdown, only now I’ve finally stopped. Not just in the world that I partially peek from the window, but within myself. I stopped the part of the world running fast through this body and mind over the last 33 years.

Little by little, it becomes easier to feel peace in emptiness. Without questioning the unknown. What can it possibly have to give me? Right now, it can only offer me nothing but the unknown itself.

I find no use in seeking in the future answers to matters of the past. What's the point if they both don’t exist. Past and future.

We can recall the same old problems looping in our minds and try to find solutions with the knowledge we already have stored in our logical brains, but this often leaves me in the same place. I think that’s why we tend to ask for miracles. We get lost in repetition.

The thing is, miracles or divine answers may exist. But not in the hypothetic future the mind projects outside. I’ve realized that the questions I make are more likely to be answered from the inside, from my inner being. And that’s new! Cause for a long time, I've been trying to prove that I know things when the only thing I knew was the certainty of knowing nothing.

Now I'm learning to see the fun within. And what I've found in the meantime is that the unknown isn't always dark, as I thought.